Sil Lai Abrams, Ebony‘s relationship expert, says that black women overwhelmed by sensationalist messages about their prospects for love (or lack thereof) should date whomever they want but should resist falling for the pop-culture myth of the white man as a savior.
… I’m a Black woman who has dated White, Hispanic and Black men. From my years of field research, I can assure you that a White man can be just as commitmentphobic, misogynistic and unreliable as a Black one. As disappointing as this may be to the sistas who have bought into the Myth of the White Knight, Black men do not have the market cornered on shady relationship behavior.
It is worth noting that Black women married to White men do have lower divorce rates than their Black/Black counterparts. However, I doubt this is because White men are easier to control then their Black counterparts. Maybe these marriages fare better because many who are willing to cross the color line have a mindset that is more flexible and open minded, qualities that are essential to the success of a long-term union?
For the record, I’m not anti-interracial relationships; however, I am against “solutions” that villainize Black men and victimize Black women while simultaneously deifying White men. Isn’t it time that we stop uplifting the White man as savior?
I can’t say what the answer is to the “Black Female Thunderbolt Phenomenon”, but if you find that if you’re regularly having problems in your relationships with Black men, dating a White one won’t guarantee that you’ll get a different outcome. If that’s the case, it’s worth considering that maybe the reason you’re consistently having problems of commitment in your relationships with Black men has absolutely nothing to do with the men.
Read Sil Lai Abrams’ entire article at Ebony.com.
The Root aims to foster and advance conversations about issues relevant to the black Diaspora by presenting a variety of opinions from all perspectives, whether or not those opinions are shared by our editorial staff.