Easter Worship: A Novice’s Questions

It can be a bit confusing for those who are only at church on major holidays.

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I’m getting ready for my annual visit to church for Easter Sunday worship, because, in spite of all I do the other 364 days of the year, I am a Christian at heart. And even more, I get to see a lot of my friends from the neighborhood, the car wash, the club — you name it.

Over the past two years, I’ve gone to church on Easter and sat there taking it all in — Jesus, his death, the Resurrection and a chance for my salvation. But this year before I go, I have a few questions I’d like to have answered.

First of all, why does church service last so long? I know you can’t hurry God, but even He knows that after a few hours of sitting, the wood of those pews gets extremely hard. Most churches have clocks somewhere on the wall, but it’s as if no one pays them any attention on Easter. (I wouldn’t know about the other Sundays.) There ought to be a limit. Or maybe even better, they could set an alarm to go off an hour after church starts. At the sound of the alarm, everyone leaves.

Speaking of long, why are the church announcements so lengthy? There ought to be some kind of limit on the time the announcer takes to read them and the number of people allowed to make impromptu announcements (especially those who just make announcements so we can see their new Easter outfits). There is a simple solution. The announcements on any Sunday should not be any longer than the Scripture for the day. Anyone with an additional announcement should just send out a mass text message to the congregation.

Can the church folks arrange a before-Sunday service fashion show? I noticed my clothes looked a bit different from what the majority of folks were wearing last Easter. The hats were different, and all of the colors were brighter. No one wore sneakers. (I don’t know why.) For those of us who are in the CME Club (Christmas, Mother’s Day and Easter), a fashion show to help us would be nice.

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