I Want Valentine’s Day Romance Every Day

Ask Demetria: Communication is one of the keys to getting what you want from your mate.


I had an amazing Valentine’s Day! My man went overboard with the gifts, affection, attention and love! Can every day be Feb. 14? No, really! I have a great man who loves me hard and I appreciate him, but he’s not as romantic as I would like him to be. How do I keep up this romantic momentum in my relationship? –G.R.

Big congrats to you! I’m glad you had a great day. By the nature of what I do as a life coach and dating and relationship expert, people usually come to me when they’re in crisis or need things fixed. Post-Valentine’s Day, I’m getting a lot of stories from women who were disappointed on Tuesday.

Like all other holidays, Valentine’s Day tends to let you know loud and clear where you stand with your significant other. Feb. 14 might be a “Hallmark holiday,” but everyone knows it’s a test. As you can imagine, no one’s happy when a partner doesn’t pass. I’m happy that your man did — and with flying colors, by the sound of it.

For the most part, Valentine’s Day is when women are showered with gifts and gestures of romance. For men? Not so much. They know they’re expected to go above and beyond on Feb. 14, and the ones who don’t want any problems from their lady (or ladies, in some cases) aim to exceed expectations. I totally get why you’d want every day to be all about you and to be showered with affection, attention and gifts on a daily basis, but frankly, even on a weekly schedule, it’s unrealistic.

Men put a lot into Valentine’s Day, more than women tend to realize. It will be beneficial to your relationship if you manage your expectations when it comes to gifting. In 2012 Americans spent $17.6 billion on Valentine’s Day, with the average guy expected to drop $168.74 on his woman, according to the National Retail Federation’s annual survey. Those numbers are a new high over the past decade. Frankly, the average guy can’t afford to do that daily or weekly.

But if what you’re looking for is the affection and attention instead of the gifts, your odds are much better. Communicate with your man by asking for what you want. He gets a million cultural cues to know what you expect on Valentine’s Day. But if you’ve been silent on what else you expect or would like from him, he’s probably clueless, especially if you’ve seemed fine with the way things have been going in the relationship thus far.