The charge about being picky has merit for some women. There are those of us who have long lists of what we require in a man, and it reads more like what we’d look for in a job candidate or a model casting than in a romantic partner. But I find that this type of woman is overrepresented in conversations about what women need to “fix” to increase their dating odds.
As a dating and relationship coach with a clientele of mostly women, I find that a good portion of women are looking for core basics — honesty, respect, consistency, reciprocity, attraction (newsflash: Sex is important to women, too) and fidelity — not the 6-foot-3-inch, BMW-driving, hella-fine corporate exec with the good credit and a bought house who’s always touted as being at the top of our lists.
Somehow, the advice to the rare über-picky women about scaling back their lists (if yours is longer than 10 items and includes more than two superficial items, it’s time to re-evaluate and reduce) got applied to women with reasonable expectations. So we’re very clear: Expecting to “like a man the way I feel I should” isn’t asking for too much or even all that much.
Unless you’re one of those women who want to be in a relationship just to be in one, take your time to meet a person whom you actually want for a partner. If you’ve been fortunate enough to attract the interest of two “great” men, have faith that you can attract a few more and that one of them will be not just a good guy but the right one for you, too.
Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at firstname.lastname@example.org.