2 Great Guys, but I’m Not Interested

Ask Demetria: You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting to wait for Mr. Right.


The charge about being picky has merit for some women. There are those of us who have long lists of what we require in a man, and it reads more like what we’d look for in a job candidate or a model casting than in a romantic partner. But I find that this type of woman is overrepresented in conversations about what women need to “fix” to increase their dating odds.

As a dating and relationship coach with a clientele of mostly women, I find that a good portion of women are looking for core basics — honesty, respect, consistency, reciprocity, attraction (newsflash: Sex is important to women, too) and fidelity — not the 6-foot-3-inch, BMW-driving, hella-fine corporate exec with the good credit and a bought house who’s always touted as being at the top of our lists.

Somehow, the advice to the rare über-picky women about scaling back their lists (if yours is longer than 10 items and includes more than two superficial items, it’s time to re-evaluate and reduce) got applied to women with reasonable expectations. So we’re very clear: Expecting to “like a man the way I feel I should” isn’t asking for too much or even all that much. 

Unless you’re one of those women who want to be in a relationship just to be in one, take your time to meet a person whom you actually want for a partner. If you’ve been fortunate enough to attract the interest of two “great” men, have faith that you can attract a few more and that one of them will be not just a good guy but the right one for you, too.

Good luck!

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor to The Root, and the author of A Belle in Brooklyn: The Go-to Girl for Advice on Living Your Best Single Life. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

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