Single-Minded: When Every Man Seems ‘Suspect’

So what if he asked you out? That canvas tote is a dead giveaway that something ain’t right.

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He’s just … Eurocentric. In France, he’d be totally normal, masculine even. Über masculine! Those pants aren’t even that bad. He’s got some way sexier.”

“Sexy or suspect, dude?” asked my best friend, who once openly questioned a man’s sexuality because he had on Nike Cortez sneakers. “But it’s whatever, ‘cause I’m überly familiar with your protocol. Überly.”

“I hate you.”

Every flip-flop, flip of the wrist, over-washed jean, over-sized belt buckle, and canvas tote is cause for alarm among a group of women who know all too well how frustrating it is to be summed up by a single part. But we continue to sync our universal gaydars because getting caught out there with a guy who’s just not that into girls is not just a failure in judgment—it’s a failure at life. Admitting my own shortcomings (namely egocentricity) was out of the question. Blaming it on the downpour of down-low hysteria is much easier.

Lesbian vampires? In a post-apocalyptic world populated by Twilight fanatics that could actually happen. But the guy at the dog park who seemed sweet and intelligent (with very trendy tan loafers) was probably just that: nice and sweet.