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The 40-Year-Old Re-Virgin

A Mocha Chocolata Ya-Ya ruminates on ten years of not getting any.

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If I had really wanted to have sex in the last decade, I could have. But as much as I miss the exhilaration and intimacy of being with a man, I'm not desperate. And I'm not willing to give my body to just anyone - particularly without the possibility of a long-term relationship and commitment. And while I am lonely, I am not alone. I have mastered eating by myself in nice restaurants, going to movies and attending the theater unescorted. I have friends and family who love me and with whom I enjoy spending time.

I would like to find a man with whom I could be equally yoked in intelligence, ambition, values, and a mutually shared physical chemistry. But short of a miracle, I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I may never have another meaningful, healthy relationship - much less a sexual relationship - in my life. It's disheartening when I really stop and absorb the reality that I could likely spend the remainder of my life uncoupled— and sexually unsatisfied--simply because I choose to wait until an adequate black mate comes along.

Jennifer E. Mabry is a writer living in Colorado. She holds a Ph.D. in communications from the University of Maryland, College Park and is a cultural anthropologist of race, gender and popular culture.