New Rule: You Gotta Have Balls, So Poker Is Not a Sport

A man on his couch with his remote comes up with new standards for sports on TV and the Olympics. Surprise! They require physical activity.

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Force golfers to run from hole to hole as their competitors shoot balls at their heads. Now that’s a sport. Give a sprinter a ball (maybe just that same old baton) and let other runners try to tackle her before she reaches the finish line. A clear sport. Throw in skates, and you get a cross between hockey and roller derby. In any case, it is something that should take a backseat to the kinds of athletic contests that the Olympics has always privileged. Let the games begin. And let’s leave the sports on the sidelines.

John L. Jackson, Jr. is an anthropologist and academic and filmmaker.