All FEBRUARY POSTS (59)

Doctor’s Orders: Stay Out of the Gym

February 26, 2010 at 4:34 PM

It first appeared two weeks ago, an unbearably itchy patch of tiny bumps that covered the left and right sides of my back.

When Stress = Stress Eating

February 25, 2010 at 3:28 PM

For me, stress equals stress eating. Doritos, pretzels, homemade caramel corn – things that crunch.

Blood Test Results: Exercise or Die

February 24, 2010 at 1:54 PM

Personal training isn’t for me. It’s for masochists. Masochists with deep pockets, because it ain’t cheap.

12 Pounds Down, 88 to Go

February 23, 2010 at 4:35 PM

I got on the scale Monday morning expecting at least a two-pound gain and had my pep talk all ready to go. Instead, it said I was down 3 pounds since Friday. I hopped on and off at least five times, moving it around the bathroom floor – you know how we do.

‘Don’t mean to be rude, but I didn’t ask for your advice’

February 22, 2010 at 4:24 PM

It’s my fault. I’m fully capable of spewing a string of words so foul they would singe his nose hairs. But that wouldn’t be very polite now, would it?

Which Would You Rather?

February 19, 2010 at 3:04 PM

Failed to mention that little cake serves eight. All together now: HAHAHAHAAA!

Obesity Economics 101

February 18, 2010 at 3:38 PM

Want asparagus? Fuggedaboudit. Here in N.C., it’s “on sale” at $3.79/lb. That’s about the same as a family-sized bag of Doritos. Salmon, tilapia, flounder? The cost per pound is the same as a two-layer cake from the bakery.

My Doctor Checks What's In My Blood. In a Sense, So Does My Therapist.

February 17, 2010 at 2:21 PM

Yes, I stood up for myself. No, I didn’t think it was worth it. After a lifetime of flinging about words so sharp they can shred a soul, what’s a few more? The aim is true. The scars, permanent.

Have You Ever Been Too Fat to Fly?

February 16, 2010 at 2:29 PM

I will never, ever buy into the argument that obesity is a disability, and therefore covered by the Americans With Disabilities Act.

Like Grapefruit for Chocolate

February 15, 2010 at 12:55 PM

Maybe I was just tired. Maybe it was carb poisoning. Maybe I really wanted a box of chocolates instead of a cup of grapefruit.

After Size 14, It’s Not a Secret Anymore

February 12, 2010 at 1:08 PM

Victoria’s Secret is all decked out for Valentine’s Day. Suffice it to say the only thing in there I can wear are the perfumes.

Attack of the Creole Pork Roast

February 11, 2010 at 1:50 PM

Working out and not eating for seven hours? Dumb, dumb, dumb. And embarrassing, embarrassing, embarrassing.

A Weight Loss Blog? Are You NUTS?!

February 10, 2010 at 11:32 AM

Oprah. Carnie. Kirstie. Ruby. We’re all human, and that means we get our collective asses kicked by biology every time we attempt to diet, which is why diets don’t work.