Donald Trump
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Donald Trump is an idiot. I mean, he has to be, right? The amount of vitriol that has spewed out of this man’s sorry excuse for lips over the course of his run for the White House is the thing of legend. Trump has offended Mexicans, “the Blacks,” Muslims, women, our intelligence and entire countries, just to name a few. (For s—ts and giggles, check out “The 229 People, Places and Things Donald Trump Has Offended on Twitter.”)

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Despite all the controversy, or perhaps because of it, Trump actually won the Republican nomination. I’m still having trouble processing that as our reality, but this is the same political party that made Sarah Palin a household name, so I probably shouldn’t be all that surprised. Still, I feel like we’re all living through an extended episode of Punk’d. I’m just trying to figure out if this is the Ashton Kutcher or BET version.

In the event that it’s the latter, we’d all have to prepare ourselves for life with Trump for a minimum of four long years. Scary concept, I know, but this man is already a heartbeat away from the White House. Got a problem with that? Then make sure you do more than complain about it on social media and actually vote in November. But I digress …

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We’ve already established that Trump is an idiot, but you don’t become a multibillionaire by being stupid all the time. There’s got to be a few smart things that the Donald has said at some point in his life. Not a lot, but here’s a short list (the following quotes were found at goodreads, so make of that what you will):

“Watch, listen, and learn. You can’t know it all yourself. Anyone who thinks they do is destined for mediocrity.” This is pretty humble talk for the Donald—too bad he doesn’t follow his own advice more often. But I’ve done enough watching, listening and learning over the past few months to know that he’d be a mediocre president.

“Remember there’s no such thing as an unrealistic goal—just unrealistic time frames.” This one’s actually pretty useful, since there are more than a few old bosses I know who need to learn this. Nothing grinds my gears more than a manager who waits until the absolute last minute to tell you about some big project with a super-short deadline. Reminds me of Lumbergh in Office Space asking Peter about those damn TPS reports at 6 o’clock on a Friday. That’s just a set-you-up-for-failure. I’ll pass, mmmkay.

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“I’ve always felt that a lot of modern art is a con, and that the most successful painters are often better salesmen and promoters than they are artists.” Slow clap for Trump. I can appreciate a good Basquiat or Kaws piece just like the next fly-by-night art lover, but I’ll be damned if I can tell why someone would pay six figures for one. If there’s some sort of class on how to convince people to pay me for my watercolor work, I’d sign up in a heartbeat.

“Get going. Move forward. Aim high. Plan a takeoff. Don't just sit on the runway and hope someone will come along and push the airplane. It simply won't happen. Change your attitude and gain some altitude. Believe me, you'll love it up here.” If this quote weren’t well over 140 characters, I’d be tweeting this right now. #Motivation

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“Partnerships must have loyalty and integrity at their core.” Normally I wouldn’t take relationship advice from a guy who’s been divorced twice and married three times, but I will have to agree with Trump on this one. Whether it’s business or pleasure, if you’re going to be with someone, you better make sure they have your back and are honest with you at all times. Anything else would be uncivilized.

“Success comes from failure, not from memorizing the right answers.” It might sound like a message you’d find in a fortune cookie, but I’m not mad at the sentiment. Learn from your mistakes and keep pressing on.

Anslem Samuel Rocque is a Brooklyn, N.Y.-based writer who previously ran the popular relationship site Naked With Socks On. He’s currently wearing way more clothes while working on his debut novel. Follow his thoughts in 140 characters or less on Twitter and on Instagram.