Chad Johnson (Jonathan Leibson/Getty Images)

Former NFL receiver Chad Johnson is a lot of things: a decent wide receiver whose career ended well before his ability did. He’s also a domestic abuser who head-butted then-girlfriend Evelyn Lozada, effectively ending said football career. He loves lavish clothes and has a lot of social media followers, but Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson is not a chubby black man, and the people at Louis Vuitton should know this.

According to the Aspen Times, Mervin Cabe, 25, a chubby-faced black man from Miami with wild hair, purchased more than $18,000 worth of merchandise in a downtown Aspen, Colo., store. The store is so high-profile that customers must have a “profile ID” to make purchases.

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Cabe claimed to be the former Cincinnati Bengals star, although he didn’t know the phone number matching Johnson’s profile account, and allegedly twice tried to use a bad credit card to make the fraudulent purchase. When that didn’t go through, he used an Apple Pay account, which worked.

Although a store employee allowed Cabe to make the purchase, Cabe was caught by officers, whom he also initially tried to tell he was Johnson. (It’s not clear at what point the cops were called to the scene, but the officers claim that Cabe was “highly evasive” and said he “kept making excuses and repeating the same nonsensical story.” He also apparently wouldn’t show them the Apple Pay account he used and couldn’t tell them Johnson’s date of birth.) After they finished laughing—well, I don’t know if they laughed, but I assume they did—Cabe was arrested and charged with a pair of felonies for identity theft and unauthorized use of a financial-transaction device.

Even Johnson got in on the fun:

Read more at the Aspen Times.