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Disclaimer: I’m not sure I’m a Drake fan, but I’m not NOT a Drake fan, either. I listen to all the albums and have listened to Drake songs when washing dishes, changing diapers and eating brussels sprouts. I’m an informed listener, so I’m speaking on More Life as a music enthusiast and avid consumer who respects Drake as somebody who has absolutely killed the music game since he walked on the scene. 

1. As an album artist, Drake is fairly boring to me. Sure, he’s exciting in parts, but the pseudo-depth-introspective-fake-love bullshit is tired at this point. He’s been having the same fake deep thoughts since 2009. Except, when he’s not making his own albums, he’s doing banging-ass features in which he’s telling us how awesome his life is, and rarely disappoints. Pick a side Drake. You can’t triple-stamp a double stamp.

2. Views bored me half to death. Even the good songs (like “Controlla” and “One Dance”) annoyed me. More Life upped the ante for me by making a just-as-long album full of the exact-same songs from Views, with a few interesting songs thrown on for good measure.

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With that said, there are songs I truly enjoy. I have had “Ice Melts” on repeat for, I don’t know, days now. And it’s mostly because of Young Thug. In fact, “Ice Melts” sounds like it was for Young Thug’s Jeffery album but Drake heard it and was like “I want that” in a Canadian accent. I love “Madiba Riddim” and will listen to that song well past More Life’s expiration date. I’d like “KMT” if that HORRENDOUS ...

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... you know what.

Let me just say this: I’ve never heard a British rapper I thought was any good. More Life doesn’t change that. I do not ever want to hear any grime rappers every again. Seriously. Giggs’ verse on “KMT” legit made me angry. Clearly I’m not into grime, but it’s because British accents do not work for aggressive ignorance. They just don’t. Stop trying to make it a thing, England and Canada. Save that shit for Masterpiece Theatre and keep it moving.

3. When the fuck did Drake become a West Indian? I realize he’s from Toronto, and I know the island influence is deep across the border. That’s cool. But I swear this album feels like he really, really enjoyed creating “Work” with Rihanna and has been on a nonstop fail quest to make an album full of songs as good as “Work.”

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4. Why is this shit so long? (That’s what she said.) It was too long when he did it with Views; it’s too long now. There is no reason, Aubrey, that I should not be able to finish your album on a drive through Washington, D.C., traffic in the morning. There is no excuse for this. The album is full of filler. Cut some shit off, like “Fake Love.”

5. Speaking of “Fake Love,” let’s talk about this song. I hate this song. I know I already said this, but I want to reiterate. If you’re one of Drake’s boys, aren’t you (at this point) tired of hearing him talk about all the fakes around him all the damn time? Drake’s entire career is one big-ass subtweet to somebody and nobody at the same damn time.

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6. “Portland” is great, but that’s also because of Quavo and Travis Scott. In fact, “Portland” sounds like a Migos song so much, I’d rather hear Offset talk about cooking with Uzis than hear Drake. Actually, that speaks to a big issue I have with this album. For one, it’s just not that good a listen, no matter what my under-18-year-old nephews think. But more importantly, on all the good(ish) songs, I’d much rather hear other people than Drake.

7. More “Portland.” Niggas were losing their shit online over the fucking recorder-sounding shit. For one, it’s not even the hottest use of a recorder in a song. Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” has way hotter recorder action. We really need to stop being impressed by unimpressive shit. Like a fucking recorder-sounding instrument.

8. In my opinion, all of Drake’s albums sound the same. Except Views, which is like More Life. Drake pretty much doesn’t give a fuck about artistic growth. And maybe he shouldn’t. He sells out tours and all of his songs are going to chart, and he’ll break records. I’m not sure Drake really has it in him. Then again, I’m not sure he should. If I’m one of the biggest artists in the world doing what I’ve been doing, there’s no need to go the To Pimp a Butterfly route. Would I love to see what he could do? Yes. Does he care? No.

9. It really is interesting talking to my younger nieces and nephews about music because they really do view Drake the way I viewed Jay Z. I don’t know what to do with this information. But having full-scale convos about Drake during which I’m called a hater by a 17-year-old lets me know that this is how my parents must have felt when they were talking about that “hippety-hop” shit.

10. This has felt negative. Let me end with some positivity. I cannot stress enough how much I love “Madiba Riddim,” “Ice Melts” and “Portland.” “Lose You” works, and because of Kanye, I tolerate “Glow.” “Sacrifices” gives us a lot of what makes Young Thug so provocative. It’s because nobody understands what the hell he’s talking about. Jorja Smith is awesome. You’re welcome.